Resilience Coaching for Leaders: From Stress Reactivity to Sustainable Strength
Most leadership challenges don’t come from capability or commitment -they come from something quieter: your nervous system’s automatic response to stress. When it shifts into threat mode, clarity narrows, emotions take over and relationships strain. Resilience isn’t built through endurance or force of will. It’s built by learning how to recognise these shifts and guide yourself back to a state where you can think clearly, stay grounded and lead well under pressure.
As an HR or senior leader, you’re expected to stay composed, make high-stakes decisions and support others through continual change. Yet the combination of complexity, speed and scrutiny means most leaders are operating with a nervous system that is permanently “on alert”.
Resilience, in this context, is not about heroics or simply “toughing it out”. It’s about understanding how stress really works in the body, then deliberately building the psychological capacities that allow you – and your organisation – to navigate challenge, change and complexity in a sustainable way.
This article offers a practical, science-informed map: from stress and the nervous system, through coping and positive neuroplasticity, to resilient leadership and the 4C model of mental toughness.
1. Understanding stress in leadership roles
When we talk about “stress”, we’re really talking about how your nervous system is constantly scanning for danger and safety, then adjusting your body accordingly. Heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, attention, even your capacity to connect with other people – all of these are shaped by automatic neural circuits working in the background.
Traditionally, this was described as a simple two-part system:
Sympathetic nervous system – mobilisation: fight or flight
Parasympathetic nervous system – restoration: rest and digest
That model is directionally useful, but it’s also quite crude. It doesn’t fully explain why, under pressure, some leaders become more socially engaged and purposeful, while others escalate, shut down or seemingly “disappear”.
Polyvagal Theory: a helpful (but debated) lens
Polyvagal Theory, developed by Stephen Porges, proposes a more nuanced picture, especially on the parasympathetic side. It centres on the vagus nerve, a major pathway connecting brain and body, and suggests three evolutionarily layered circuits that organise how we respond to stress and move through the world:
Ventral vagal complex – “safe and social”
Sympathetic system – “fight or flight”
Dorsal vagal complex – “shutdown”
These circuits are often described as a ladder:
Top of the ladder – Ventral vagal: calm, connected, curious
Middle – Sympathetic: mobilised, anxious, angry, driven
Bottom – Dorsal vagal: collapsed, numb, disconnected
When your system perceives enough safety, you tend to stay at the top: present, able to make eye contact, think strategically and collaborate. As threat increases or feels inescapable, your system may drop into sympathetic mobilisation. If that still doesn’t feel viable or the situation is overwhelming or prolonged, it may default further down into a dorsal shutdown state.
💬 Coaching Cue: What signals tell you you’re moving down the ladder - and what’s one action that reliably brings you back up?
Let’s look at each in a work-relevant way.
Ventral vagal: safe, connected and engaged
The ventral vagal state is linked to calm alertness and social engagement. In this state, leaders typically:
Feel grounded and present in their bodies
Make eye contact, modulate their voice and tune into others’ cues
Can think clearly, weigh trade-offs and plan
Experience stressors as manageable challenges rather than catastrophic threats
From a behavioural science perspective, this “safe and social” state supports executive functions (working memory, cognitive flexibility, impulse control) and prosocial behaviours such as empathy and perspective-taking. It is also the state in which co-regulation happens: your nervous system helps others feel safe through your tone, facial expression, posture and timing.
For organisations, this is the state in which leaders are best able to hold complexity and model psychological safety.
Sympathetic: mobilisation into fight or flight
When your nervous system detects danger – often before you’ve consciously labelled it – it may drop out of ventral vagal and activate the sympathetic system.
Typical signs include:
Increased heart rate, faster breathing, muscle tension
Narrowed attention; scanning for threats, errors or political risk
Urges to argue, defend, control (fight) or to escape, avoid, procrastinate (flight)
Emotionally: anger, irritation, anxiety, panic
In genuinely dangerous situations, this is adaptive – you want rapid mobilisation. The problem in modern organisations is that email, board scrutiny, social evaluation or job insecurity can trigger similar responses, even though “fighting” or “running” is neither appropriate nor effective.
When sympathetic activation becomes chronic, we often see:
Irritability and reactivity in relationships
Overwork and difficulty switching off
Reduced access to long-term thinking and perspective
Leaders in this state can still perform, but they tend to do so through sheer effort rather than sustainable clarity.
When leaders are in sympathetic activation, they often display the same reactive patterns highlighted in Hogan derailers and dark-side traits.
Dorsal vagal: shutdown, collapse and disconnection
If your system decides that fight or flight will not work – the threat feels inescapable, overwhelming, or has simply gone on too long – it may drop further into a dorsal vagal or shutdown state.
This can show up as:
Very low energy, heaviness, or feeling “numb”
Disconnection from body sensations and emotions (“I feel nothing”)
Withdrawal from others; difficulty initiating action or making decisions
A sense of hopelessness, collapse, or going through the motions
In evolutionary terms, this resembles “playing dead” in the face of extreme threat. In corporate life, it can look like burnout, dissociation, or what people often describe as “checking out”.
Evidence caveat
Polyvagal Theory is influential in clinical and coaching practice, and there is substantial research on vagal activity, heart-rate variability and social behaviour that aligns with parts of the model. At the same time, neurophysiologists have raised strong objections to several of its anatomical and evolutionary claims and argue that the evidence for a neat mapping between specific “ventral” and “dorsal” vagal systems in humans is limited. It is best treated as a useful organising metaphor, not a fully confirmed map of the nervous system.
2. Stress tolerance and coping: what leaders actually do
How you respond to these states matters as much as the states themselves.
Many high-achieving leaders have learned to override their nervous system with productivity and “professionalism”. On the surface, they are calm and competent. Underneath, they may be oscillating between chronic sympathetic activation and subtle forms of shutdown.
Negative coping strategies (that often look like “dedication”)
Some coping strategies feel helpful in the moment but erode resilience over time. For example:
Ignoring your own signals and insisting you are “fine”
Hiding emotions from others; armouring up
Avoiding difficult conversations or decisions
Over-reliance on alcohol, drugs or medication to take the edge off
Any form of self-harm or persistent high-risk behaviour
Verbal or emotional aggression when under pressure
Numbing out with social media, constant scrolling or “busywork”
Overeating or other disordered patterns around food
In many organisational cultures, some of these are inadvertently rewarded: the leader who answers emails at midnight, never takes holiday and “powers through” illness. In the short term, it can look like commitment. Over time, it is often a slow-motion collapse.
Developing healthier coping strategies is significantly easier with structured support such as executive coaching, where leaders can practise emotional regulation and reflective thinking.
Positive regulation strategies
By contrast, distress tolerance is the capacity to stay in contact with uncomfortable sensations and emotions long enough for them to move through, without immediately escaping or acting them out. This can be strengthened through practice.
Examples of more adaptive strategies include:
Writing or journalling to externalise thoughts and emotions
Physical movement – from a brisk walk between meetings to regular training
Talking to trusted others (peers, mentors, coach, therapist)
Meditation or breathwork to calm physiological arousal
Deliberate recovery – sleep, rest, micro-breaks during the day
Tracking unhelpful thinking patterns and gently challenging them
Setting boundaries around time, availability and workload
These are not “nice-to-haves”; they are regulation skills that directly affect performance, judgement and relational quality.
Many of these relational dynamics are best addressed through team coaching, which strengthens communication, trust, and collective adaptability.
As a leader, the strategies you model become part of the informal culture. People notice whether you ignore your own limits or treat recovery as a legitimate part of sustainable high performance.
💬 Coaching Cue: Which coping habit is costing you the most - and what’s one healthier substitute you can experiment with this week?
3. Resilience as meeting three core needs
Psychologist Rick Hanson argues that resilience is easier to understand if we see humans as having three basic needs:
Safety – avoiding harm
Satisfaction – pursuing rewards and accomplishment
Connection – belonging and being cared for
When one of these needs feels under threat, we are more likely to tip into sympathetic activation or shutdown. Hanson’s work on positive neuroplasticity focuses on cultivating inner strengths that help us meet these needs more effectively over time.
Strengths that support safety
When the need for safety is challenged – for example, during restructures, job insecurity or reputational risk – the following inner strengths are particularly protective:
Compassion – a benevolent stance towards one’s own and others’ suffering, which reduces shame and self-criticism and supports wise action.
Perseverance – remembering previous challenges you have already survived, and allowing that evidence to inform your confidence now.
Serenity – deliberately accessing moments of calm or perspective (for example, through breathing, reframing, or recalling past successes).
Courage – taking values-aligned action despite fear, which strengthens autonomy and a sense of agency.
Strengths that support satisfaction
The need for satisfaction shows up in many domains: from your finances and workload to your sense of progress and meaning.
Strengths that help here include:
Mindfulness – breaking automatic patterns of rumination and noticing what is workable in the present moment.
Gratitude – actively recognising what is going well, including your own abilities and the contribution of others.
Motivation – setting clear, realistic goals and noticing small “wins” that build momentum.
Strengths that support connection
When connection needs are not met, people often report loneliness, inadequacy, or feeling undervalued – all common experiences in senior roles.
Resilience here is supported by:
A learning mindset – seeing relational challenges as learnable rather than fixed (“I can get better at difficult conversations”).
Confidence – recognising prior social and leadership successes, and allowing them to inform how you show up now.
Intimacy – having at least a few relationships where you can be appropriately open and vulnerable.
Tolerance – expanding your capacity to stay in dialogue with people who see the world differently.
4. Positive neuroplasticity: training your brain for resilience
The human brain has a negativity bias: it is better at noticing and storing threats than positive experiences. That was useful for survival, but it means that leaders can have many micro-successes in a week and still only remember the one difficult conversation.
Positive neuroplasticity is the practice of deliberately installing beneficial experiences so that they become part of your default wiring.
In practice, this looks like:
Notice small moments of calm, connection or effectiveness – a meeting that went well, a kind message from a colleague, a brief sense of satisfaction after completing something important.
Stay with the experience for 10–20 seconds, instead of rushing on. Feel it in the body; allow it to be real.
Sense it sinking in – as if you were giving your nervous system a clear imprint: “This is what calm / competence / connection feels like.”
Done repeatedly, this can shift your baseline state from chronic mild threat towards what Hanson calls the “green zone”: a more stable sense of safety, satisfaction and connection.
5. What resilience is (and isn’t) at work
Resilience is often framed in organisations as the ability to “bounce back” quickly and keep going, no matter what. The risk is that this slides into normalising toxic conditions and placing responsibility entirely on individuals.
From a research perspective, resilience is usually defined as the capacity to adapt well to adversity, trauma, threats or significant sources of stress while maintaining or quickly recovering psychological functioning. It is not a fixed trait; it emerges from the interaction of personal resources, relationships and context.¹²³
A few important clarifications:
Resilience is not an excuse for poor working conditions. Chronic overload, lack of control and persistent incivility will erode even the most resilient individuals.
Resilience is trainable. There is growing evidence that targeted interventions – such as cognitive-behavioural skills, strengths-based development and mindfulness-based programmes – can improve psychological resilience and wellbeing in both civilian and military settings.⁴⁵
Resilience has performance implications. Studies link resilience and related constructs (such as psychological capital) with higher job satisfaction, engagement and performance.⁶
For HR and senior leaders, the question becomes: how do you design environments and develop leaders in ways that support, rather than undermine, human resilience?
6. Resilient leadership and relationships
Leadership is often romanticised as a solitary, heroic endeavour. In reality, resilience is deeply relational.
Your nervous system co-regulates with others: your presence affects the perceived safety of the room.
Your patterns of communication shape whether people feel able to bring bad news early, admit errors and ask for help – all of which are core to organisational resilience.
Your own self-care practices quietly signal what is acceptable: whether rest is legitimate or a sign of weakness.
Resilient leadership involves:
Building trusting networks rather than carrying everything alone.
Normalising vulnerability in appropriate, bounded ways (e.g. “Here’s what I find hard about this change, and here’s how I’m working with it”).
Setting and respecting boundaries – including your own.
Investing in team rituals that create shared meaning and connection, especially in hybrid or distributed teams.
As resilience expert Taryn Marie Stejskal puts it, “Resilience is the essence of what it means to be human.” For leaders, this means that resilience is not a special add-on; it is at the heart of how you relate, decide and sustain impact over time.
💬 Coaching Cue: What part of your resilience is asking for support right now - thinking, emotions, behaviour or relationships?
7. The 4C model of mental toughness: a practical framework for leaders
One useful way to translate resilience into observable behaviour is the 4C model of mental toughness, developed originally in sport psychology and later applied in education and organisational contexts.⁷⁸
From a behavioural science perspective, its value lies in breaking “toughness” into four trainable domains:
Control – “I can influence what happens next”
Commitment – “I follow through, even when it’s not exciting”
Challenge – “Pressure is a stimulus, not just a threat”
Confidence – “I trust my ability to cope and perform”
Confidence - particularly interpersonal confidence - is also strongly reflected in Hogan HDS “dark side” tendencies and derailers, especially traits such as Bold, Skeptical or Reserved. Hogans dark side tendencies are the tendencies most likely to merge during high pressure or stress situations.
Control – shaping your response
Control is about how far you believe you can regulate your emotions and influence events around you.
In leadership, high Control shows up as:
Staying composed rather than reacting impulsively
Focusing on the next useful action instead of ruminating on blame
Setting boundaries and routines that protect energy (sleep, deep-work time, saying no)
Psychologically, this connects to locus of control and emotion regulation. When leaders feel they have some influence, they are more likely to engage, problem-solve and persist. When they feel helpless, withdrawal and cynicism often follow.
Micro-habit: In any difficult situation, ask: “What’s the 10% I can genuinely influence right now?” Then act there.
Commitment – translating intent into follow-through
Commitment is about goal follow-through: your tendency to stick to plans, habits and responsibilities even when motivation dips.
Embedding new habits over time is a core focus in leadership development programmes designed for complex, fast-changing environments.
In practice, this involves:
Converting intentions into concrete plans (deadlines, milestones, peer check-ins)
Doing “boring but important” tasks consistently, not just when inspired
Staying aligned with longer-term values, not only short-term comfort
This overlaps with self-regulation and the use of implementation intentions (“If it’s 8am on Monday, then I review the people plan.”).
Micro-habit: Turn one vague goal into a specific plan:
“On weekdays at 7am, I put my trainers on and walk for 15 minutes.”
Challenge – relating differently to pressure
Challenge reflects the tendency to see change, setbacks and uncertainty as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than purely as threats.
Leaders high in Challenge are more likely to:
Interpret pressure as a chance to stretch their skills
Treat failures as feedback (“I failed at this” rather than “I am a failure”)
Seek out new experiences instead of rigidly protecting the status quo
This aligns with growth mindset and stress-appraisal research showing that how we interpret physiological arousal (“I’m anxious” vs “my body is gearing up to perform”) shapes outcomes.
Micro-habit: When something difficult happens, ask:
“If this were a lesson, what might it be teaching me?”
Confidence – believing you can cope and influence
In this model, Confidence has two facets:
Confidence in abilities – trusting your skills, knowledge and capacity to perform
Interpersonal confidence – feeling able to speak up, influence and handle conflict
High Confidence drives behaviours such as:
Taking on visible or high-stakes tasks rather than hiding in low-risk work
Speaking up in meetings, even when others are more senior
Recovering more quickly from criticism or mistakes
Confidence is shaped by mastery experiences, feedback and the stories we tell ourselves. It is not blind optimism; it is a realistic sense that “I have handled hard things before; I can work with this too”.
Micro-habit: Keep an “evidence log”. Once a week, list three situations where you handled something difficult or stretched a skill.
Why the 4Cs matter for real-world performance
For HR and senior leaders, the 4C model offers:
A shared language for developmental conversations (“This leader’s Commitment is high, but their Challenge mindset is fragile under uncertainty”).
A way to design coaching and leadership programmes that target specific behaviours rather than abstract traits.
A simple structure for self-reflection and ongoing development.
8. A simple 4C mental toughness audit
You can use this brief audit as a reflective tool for yourself or in coaching conversations. It is not a clinical assessment or a substitute for validated psychometrics; it’s a starting point for awareness and dialogue.
How to use it
For each statement, rate how true it feels for you on a scale from 1 to 5:
1 = Not at all true for me
2 = Slightly true
3 = Sometimes true
4 = Mostly true
5 = Very true for me
CONTROL
When things go wrong, I focus on what I can influence rather than who or what is to blame.
Under pressure, I can usually stay calm enough to think clearly and take the next step.
COMMITMENT
I follow through on important tasks, even when I don’t feel motivated.
I keep promises I make to myself about my habits and routines (e.g. exercise, planning, learning).
CHALLENGE
I see change and uncertainty more as opportunities than as threats.
When I fail at something, I recover and look for what I can learn quite quickly.
CONFIDENCE
I believe I can cope with unexpected difficulties in my work and life.
I speak up with my views, even if others might disagree or be more senior.
Scoring your 4Cs
Again, treat this as reflective data, not a label.
Add up your scores for each C:
Control = Q1 + Q2 (range: 2–10)
Commitment = Q3 + Q4 (range: 2–10)
Challenge = Q5 + Q6 (range: 2–10)
Confidence = Q7 + Q8 (range: 2–10)
Interpret your scores (per C):
8–10 = Strength – a consistent asset under pressure
5–7 = Mixed – sometimes helpful, sometimes not; room to stabilise
2–4 = Growth area – may be where you drop most quickly under stress
Optional overall score:
Add all eight items for a total mental toughness score (range: 8–40). This is less important than your pattern. Notice where you are already strong and where development might have most impact.
Reflective prompts
You might use these in a journal or coaching conversation:
Which C is your strongest, and how does it help you in your role?
Which C is lowest, and what is one small behaviour you could experiment with this week to strengthen it?
For Control: ask “What’s the 10% I can influence right now?”
For Commitment: turn one goal into a clear “if–then” plan.
For Challenge: deliberately reframe one setback as feedback.
For Confidence: note one thing you handled well each day.
9. What resilience means to you – and to your leadership
Resilience is both deeply personal and organisational. It can be helpful to explore what it looks like in your context.
You might reflect on:
What does resilience mean to you, personally?
Think of someone you see as resilient. What qualities or practices make them so?
Recall a time when you were resilient in the face of challenge, change or complexity. What helped you? What did you draw on?
What have you learned about your own patterns of coping and growth?
Then, from a leadership perspective:
Why is resilience a particularly important topic for leaders in your organisation right now?
What does resilient leadership mean to you – in behaviour, not slogans?
How do your team and colleagues benefit when you are at your most resilient?
Where do you see room for improvement, both for yourself and at a systems level?
10. Using this in coaching and HR practice
If you are working with a coach, or supporting others as an HR/People leader, you can use these ideas in several ways:
Map stress responses together using the “ladder” (ventral, sympathetic, dorsal) and identify early warning signs and personalised regulation strategies.
Use the three needs (safety, satisfaction, connection) as a lens for conversations about burnout, disengagement or conflict.
Integrate the 4C audit into leadership development programmes as a simple starting point for individual development plans.
Encourage leaders to build micro-habits of positive neuroplasticity – brief daily practices that install calm, competence and connection.
Over time, this shifts resilience from a vague aspiration (“we should all be more resilient”) to a concrete, coachable capability embedded in how your organisation leads, learns and relates.
💬 Coaching Cue: What's the first baby step you can make on this?
FAQ: Resilience, Stress and Leadership
1. What exactly is stress in a leadership context?
Stress is the body’s automatic response to perceived threat or uncertainty. For leaders, this often shows up through accelerated decision cycles, visibility, emotional load and organisational complexity.
2. Why include Polyvagal Theory in a resilience article?
Polyvagal Theory (Porges) offers a useful framework for understanding how the nervous system shifts between safety, mobilisation and shutdown. While some anatomical claims are debated, it remains a helpful lens for explaining why leaders think and behave differently under pressure.
3. What does it mean to “move up and down the ladder”?
It describes natural shifts between:
Ventral vagal: calm and connected
Sympathetic: activated and reactive
Dorsal vagal: withdrawn or overwhelmed
Recognising these shifts helps leaders respond rather than react.
4. Why do smart leaders sometimes overreact under pressure?
Because behaviour is state-dependent. When the nervous system is flooded, access to executive functions (planning, empathy, perspective-taking) decreases. Understanding this biology reduces shame and opens up more adaptive choices.
5. What are negative coping strategies I should look out for?
Common patterns include emotional numbing, overworking, avoidance, using alcohol or food for regulation, and avoiding difficult conversations. These bring short-term relief but reduce long-term resilience.
6. What are healthier, evidence-based coping strategies?
Journalling, physical movement, reflective conversations, breathwork, sleep, mindfulness and structured breaks all support nervous-system regulation and emotional resilience.
7. Why does Rick Hanson talk about three basic human needs?
Hanson’s research highlights three core needs - safety, satisfaction and connection - as the foundation for resilience. Strengthening qualities linked to these needs (e.g. compassion, perseverance, gratitude, confidence) improves adaptability.
8. What is positive neuroplasticity in simple terms?
It’s the brain’s ability to internalise positive experiences and build more stable patterns of calm, clarity and resourcefulness. Repeatedly noticing and absorbing positive moments gradually rewires stress responses.
9. How does the 4C model help leaders?
The 4Cs - Control, Commitment, Challenge, Confidence - translate resilience into clear, coachable behaviours. Leaders can quickly see where they’re strong, where they’re vulnerable, and what to practise.
10. How can I use these ideas with my coach or team?
You can explore stress triggers, reflect on your 4C profile, build personalised resilience habits, or use the exercises as part of team development. These concepts support healthier performance, better decision-making and stronger relationships.
📚REFERENCES
Masten, A. S., & Reed, M. G. J. (2002). Resilience in development. In C. R. Snyder & S. J. Lopez (Eds.), Handbook of positive psychology (pp. 74–88). Oxford University Press.
Yi, J. P., Vitaliano, P. P., Smith, R. E., Yi, J. C., & Weinger, K. (2008). The role of resilience on psychological adjustment and physical health in patients with diabetes. British Journal of Health Psychology, 13, 311–325.
Cohn, M. A., Fredrickson, B. L., Brown, S. L., Mikels, J. A., & Conway, A. M. (2009). Happiness unpacked: Positive emotions increase life satisfaction by building resilience. Emotion, 9(3), 361–368.
Reivich, K. J., Seligman, M. E. P., & McBride, S. (2011). Master resilience training in the U.S. Army. American Psychologist, 66(1), 25–34.
Luthans, F., Avolio, B. J., Avey, J. B., & Norman, S. M. (2007). Positive psychological capital: Measurement and relationship with performance and satisfaction. Personnel Psychology, 60(3), 541–572.
Hanson, R. (2018). Resilient: How to grow an unshakable core of calm, strength, and happiness. Random House. See also Hanson’s work on safety, satisfaction and connection as core needs and on “positive neuroplasticity.”
Clough, P. J., Earle, K., & Sewell, D. (2002). Mental toughness: The concept and its measurement. In I. Cockerill (Ed.), Solutions in sport psychology (pp. 32–43). Thomson.
Lin, Y., Mutz, J., Clough, P. J., & Papageorgiou, K. A. (2017). Mental toughness and individual differences in learning, educational and work performance, psychological wellbeing, and personality: A systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 1345.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. Norton.
Porges, S. W. (2022). Polyvagal theory: A science of safety. Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience, 16, 871227.
Porges, S. W. (2025). Polyvagal theory: Current status, clinical applications, and future directions. Clinical Neuropsychiatry, 22(3), 169–176.
Grossman, P. (2023). Fundamental challenges and likely refutations of the five basic premises of the polyvagal theory. Biological Psychology, 176, 108488.
Stejskal, T. M. (2023). The five practices of highly resilient people: Why some flourish when others fold. Wiley. See also her widely cited phrase “Resilience is the essence of what it means to be human.”
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